Out of the hundreds or thousands of people we meet in our lives, there are a lot you will like. There are also some who would just makes you think “Oh, How nice if I have a girlfriend like her.” There are some who would just makes you wanna have wild moments with her but you won’t stand her when she’s serious.

Out of those hundreds of people, you might only get to know a handful. Some just as friends, some as close friends. And sometimes, maybe just together as a nice relationship. And of the few of those, there’s probably only 1 or 2 who you will fall for. And when you do, it’s probably already too late. She’s already taken.

And you start blaming yourself, asking yourself, why didn’t these feelings come earlier? Why didn’t you took action earlier? Why must you wait until now only to be sad whenever you think about not being with her?

It was a simple liking at first. You look at her and you think that she got style, you see her beauty and she just makes you feel happy being around. Then next, you want to be close to her, you just want her to notice you, talk to you and laugh with you, and also think of her once in awhile just for fun. Finally, you can’t stop thinking about her. You think about her before you go to sleep, you think about her when you’re talking to your friends, you think about her when you’re working or studying. Even when you try not to think about it, the feeling just makes you feel horrible. Horrible because you were too coward to go after her when you were just simply liking her. Horrible because you don’t know if you should go after her now that she has a guy. And even more horrible because that guy is also your friend. And sometimes, you get angry because he isn’t doing enough to comfort her when she is not well. And jealous when she still holds his hand after that.

You try to think of the possible reasons for your own feelings. Maybe because you are stressed? Or perhaps because she helped you a lot? Maybe if you go after another girl, you can stop thinking about her. But what if you still think about her when you’re with another girl?

What should you do now? Do you stay quiet and wait? Or do you confess? Breaking up a couple is not a good thing to do. It’ll hurt not only the guy but also the girl you fell for. And what if you waited and the chance never come? Will you endure this pain forever?

I’ve always thought falling in love was just simply liking someone a lot. And I thought those things about not able to loose someone was only something made up by Hollywood. Now I know, that loosing someone or not having to be able to hug them and have them hug you in return, is so sad.

Perhaps I’ll just keep staying by her side as a friend. And keep waiting.

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Exam will be on next week. We have a very lazy lecturer and he hasn’t been teaching the class well enough. Everyone is complaining and yet he hasn’t given us any tips yet on what to focus our studies or revision on. I need to concentrate, I need to discipline myself to study. I can not keep thinking about her… Not now, at this time anyway…